It's a Safetysuit Kind of Day... (Extra Long Post, Beware)

To be more specific, it's a Life Left To Go kind of day--If you haven't heard it listen to it here.

I woke up late this morning and for some reason I still decided to straighten my hair (which I haven't done in a reeeeally long time), and of course it took way longer than it should have. I am happy to see that my hair is slowly coming back from the dead--quite literally. I have spent basically all summer with curly hair so it was a nice change to see it straight. For those of you who are curious, you are in trouble because (1) I am at school and I would look like a goof smiling at my computer for a picture, and (2) I already tried that and I'm wearing a black blazer--and my hair is black...

Anyway, I just wanted to jot down a few things that have absolutely nothing to do with above. I am taking a Women in the Scriptures class for institute with Sister Terry... For those of you who don't know her, you are 100% missing out. She is the most inspirational woman in this world, if she wasn't as humble as she is I'm sure they could have included her as one of the great women we talk about. Yesterday sister Terry taught us about Lucy Mack Smith, Joseph Smith's mother, and all the inspiring qualities she had. To tell you the truth, I was already having an emotional day (more like emotional week...), but I cried the whole freaking class. We talked about her strength, her faith, her support of Joseph. Her husband was equally as amazing, he had several visions that helped him prepare for what was to come. Joseph Smith Sr. even dreamt about the tree of life when Joseph was 6 years old! Lucy, the most inspirational journal writer ever, made record of it and many other experiences. What did I learn from all this? Well, first, I need to write more, not just about the good and the bad but everything in between. Second, I need to work on my faith... a lot. Last, being a good mother and wife is hard work, but there will never be anything more enjoyable than the blessing of being married forever and raising kids.

To get a glimpse of just how incredible this woman's faith was, sister Terry read from History of Joseph Smith by His Mother, I was so intrigued that I bought the book... Here is the story that we read in class: 

(Lucy's experience of the surgery performed on Joseph's leg)

"His leg soon began to swell and he continued to suffer the greatest agony for the space of two weeks longer. During this period I carried him much of the time in my arms in order to mitigate his suffering as much as possible; in consequence of which I was taken very ill myself. The anxiety of mind that I experienced, together with physical over-exertion, was too much for my constitution and my nature sank under it. Hyrum, who was rather remarkable for his tenderness and sympathy, now desired that he might take my place. As he was a good, trusty boy, we let him do so, and, in order to make the task as easy for him as possible, we laid Joseph upon a low bed and Hyrum sat beside him, almost day and night for some considerable length of time, holding the affected part of his leg in his hands and pressing it between them, so that his afflicted brother might be enabled to endure the pain which was so excruciating that he was scarcely able to bear it...

"The surgeon was called again, and he this time enlarged the wound, cutting the leg even to the bone. It commenced healing the second time, and as soon as it began to heal it also began to swell again, which swelling continued to rise till we deemed it wisdom to call a council of surgeons; and when they met in consultation they decided that amputation was the only remedy. Soon after coming to this conclusion, they rode up to the door and were invited into a room apart from the one in which Joseph lay. They being seated, I addressed them thus: 'Gentlemen, what can you do to save my boy's leg?' They answered, 'We can do nothing; we have cut it open to the bone and find it so affected that we consider his leg incurable and that amputation is absolutely necessary in order to save his life.' This was like a thunderbolt to me. I appealed to the principal surgeon, saying, 'Dr. Stone, can you not make another trial? Can you not, by cutting around the bone, take out the diseased part, and perhaps that which is sound will heal over, and by this means you will save his leg? You will not, you must not, take off his leg, until you try once more. I will not consent to let you enter his room until you make me this promise.'

"After consulting a short time with each other, they agreed to do as I had requested, then went to see my suffering son. One of the doctors, on approaching his bed, said, 'My poor boy, we have come again.' 'Yes,' said Joseph, 'I see you have; but you have not come to take off my leg, have you, sir?' 'No,' replied the surgeon, 'it is your mother's request that we make one more effort, and that is what we have now come for.' 


"The principal surgeon, after a moment's conversation, ordered cords to be brought to bind Joseph fast to a bedstead; but to this Joseph objected. The doctor, however, insisted that he must be confined, upon which Joseph said very decidedly, 'No, doctor, I will not be bound, for I can bear the operation much better if I have my liberty.' 

"'Then,' said Dr. Stone, 'Will you drink some brandy?' 'No,' said Joseph, 'not one drop.' 

"'Will you take some wine?' rejoined the doctor. 'You must take something, or you can never endure the severe operation to which you must be subjected.' 

"'No,' exclaimed Joseph, 'I will not touch one particle of liquor, neither will I be tied down; but I will tell you what I will do—I will have my father sit on the bed and hold me in his arms, and then I will do whatever is necessary in order to have the bone taken out.' Looking at me, he said, 'Mother, I want you to leave the room, for I know you cannot bear to see me suffer so; father can stand it, but you have carried me so much, and watched over me so long, you are almost worn out.' Then looking up into my face, his eyes swimming in tears, he continued. 'Now, mother, promise me that you will not stay, will you? The Lord will help me, and I shall get through with it.' 


"To this request I consented, and getting a number of folded sheets, and laying them under his leg, I retired, going several hundred yards from the house in order to be out of hearing. 

"The surgeons commenced operating by boring into the bone of his leg, first on one side of the bone where it was affected, then on the other side, after which they broke it off with a pair of forceps or pincers. They thus took away large pieces of the bone. When they broke off the first piece, Joseph screamed out so loudly, that I could not forbear running to him. On my entering the room, he cried out, 'Oh, mother, go back, go back; I do not want you to come in—I will try to tough it out, if you will go away.'


"When the third piece was taken away, I burst into the room again—and oh, my God! What a spectacle for a mother's eye! The wound torn open, the blood still gushing from it, and the bed literally covered with blood. Joseph was pale as a corpse, and large drops of sweat were rolling down his face, whilst upon every feature was depicted the utmost agony! 

"I was immediately forced from the room, and detained until the operation was completed; but when the act was accomplished, Joseph put upon a clean bed, the room cleared of every appearance of blood, and the instruments which were used in the operation removed, I was permitted again to enter...

"Having passed through about a year of sickness and distress, health again returned to our family, and we most assuredly realized the blessing; and indeed, we felt to acknowledge the hand of God, more in preserving our lives through such a tremendous scene of affliction, than if we had, during this time, seen nothing but health and prosperity."

What a wonderful lesson this was. This woman's great faith was reflected in her children. Joseph, being so young, was so incredibly faithful. This, young yet trusting, side of the prophet is one we rarely get to see... This woman taught her children well, so much so that they trusted the Lord with all their heart--like she did. I pray that I can be a fraction of what this lovely woman was; if we all strive for this kind of love and faith we can change lives.

I am so grateful for this gospel, for the opportunity to become better than I was yesterday. I am grateful for the examples of great women, like Lucy, that have brought children to this earth and changed our lives...

My Little Miracle

This is the definition of 'Miracle' in a regular dictionary: 

Miracle: miracle |ˈmirikəl|

noun-a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency.- a highly improbable or extraordinary event, development, or accomplishment that brings very welcome consequences

And this is what the Bible Dictionary says: 

"Miracles are and were a response to faith, and its best encouragement. They were never wrought without prayer, felt need, and faith.

"It is important to notice the different names by which miracles are described. They are called signs, as being visible tokens of an invisible power; they are powers or mighty works, because they are the acts of One who is almighty; they are simply works, or the natural results of the Messiah's presence among men; they are wonders, marvels, because of the effect produced on those who saw them.

"Miracles are a part of the gospel of Jesus Christ. If miracles cease it is because faith has ceased."

I mentioned in my last post that I have been trying a bit harder than usual when it comes to school... Well, I feel like it is finally starting to pay off. Math has been one of the hardest things for me to study. Senior year in high school my graduation depended on my math grade, last year I had the hardest time. Again. I ended up missing a C by 3 points, resulting in me having to take the class again this year in order to make it to 1050. Those who know me pretty well (and even those who don't) know that I absolutely DETEST math. I hate it with a deep and burning passion....

[rewind a couple months]

While choosing classes I ran across an interesting scenario.

I know that the nursing program requires a very VERY high GPA during generals in order to make it through.... How high? well like 3.8 high. I know I struggled quite a bit last year. I was definitely not dedicated to school like I should have been. Now, now, I didn't get horrible grades but I didn't do as well as I should have. Push comes to shove, turns out that without retaking classes from last year I would need a 3.99 this year to make up the difference.....

After half a heart attack and a bit of hyperventilating I decided there was no way I could do that. I absolutely HAD to retake math. How in the world could I manage a 3.9? Maybe if I busted my tush on all my other subjects I might scrape by, but definitely not with math in the picture...

[aaaand we're back...]

I've had several tests and quizzes this week. All of which I've done relatively well. I have yet to find out about my Anthropology test but besides that I have averaged nothing under 90%....

A couple math tests  and a few quizzes have also been handed back...

Quiz 1: 5/5
Quiz 2: 5/5

TEST 1: 93%..... complete shocker.

and the result for the test I was stressing over this past week....

TEST 2: 99%..... may or may not have almost passed out.

I missed one point. Not even one QUESTION. There is NO way I could take all the credit, at all. I think part of being human is thinking that we succeed on our own. We forget that there is someone above that looks out for us, that places trials in our life for learning and growth and someone that pours out more blessings than we can even begin to imagine.

I am very grateful for the help of Heavenly Father. I know that without Him I would be knee-deep with school by this point. I have made a conscious  decision to let Him help me, I have chosen to do my ABSOLUTE best, then and only then, do I trust in leaving the rest to Him.

Let's not forget to see all the miracles in our lives. Whether little or big, a miracle is a miracle (anyone else think of Dr. Seuss with that one?). If we take the time necessary to see these life-changing experiences we will live a life full of gratitude and eternal perspective. 

New Calling, New Lessons

Well, not that anyone has noticed but I have been quite absent.... This posting thing really went down the drain fast. 

I finally got to cross off "Go on a road trip" from my life goal list this month so that was nice. I spent one glorious saturday in Moab with some of my favorite girls. We left at 4:30 in the morning and started hiking around 8:30 or 9. We got to see Delicate Arch, SandDune Arch, Broken Arch and Balanced Rock. We were too tired to do the Windows but we drove by and saw them for a few minutes before lunch. By the time we had our picnic we were *exhausted*, after an hour nap we were ready to go look at the little shops and head home. 

   

It was fun spending time with the girls. We stopped at a gas station on the way home and had a blast eating dinner, telling jokes and spewing drinks out of our noses. If only we could make this a yearly trip... Maybe we will :) 

________

A few weeks before going to Moab I was informed I would be receiving a new calling. At first I was a little nervous just because I had no idea where they were going to call me but Sister R (from the Young Women's) kind of let it slide that they were the ones that put in my name to be considered for the calling. Sure enough, the next Sunday I had an interview with the bishop and I got called as a Mia Maid teacher. Working with the youth of the church has been a dream of mine since I started in the Young Women organization. I was blessed with the most amazing teachers throughout those critical years, it is because of them that I teach and care the way I do. I can only pray to make the difference they did in my life.

My first lesson was lesson 27: Forgiving Ourselves. I had heard many people talk about how lessons usually hit the teacher most but I had never experienced it. This lesson however, taught me how important it is to not only forgive others but ourselves as well. I think it is something that we struggle with the most. I had a couple demonstrations to help get the idea across to the girls, but it was the quotes and scriptures provided that opened up my eyes. Now, if you don't mind I would like to use a couple of quotes and parts of the lesson that hit me the hardest. 

One of the discussion questions read: 

Why would Satan have us believe that we have sinned beyond hope of forgiveness?

The manual gives the answer of:

Then we will not repent, and we will sin more and more.

Simple, yet very true. Satan has HUGE power over us, BUT only if we allow him to. He likes to creep into our thoughts to influence our actions. Once we believe that our sin is too severe to be forgiven we forget about the power of the repentance process. We forget that we all get second and third chances. The Lord will not leave us alone, so long as we are willing to change, of course. 

President Spencer W. Kimball explained this a little more when he said: "Sometimes a guilty consciousness overpowers a person with such a heaviness that when a repentant one looks back and sees the ugliness, the loathsomeness of the transgression, he is almost overwhelmed and wonders, 'Can the Lord ever forgive me? Can I ever forgive myself?' But when one reaches the depths of despondency and feels the hopelessness of his position, and when he cries out to God for mercy in helplessness but in faith, there comes a still, small, but penetrating voice whispering to his soul, 'Thy sins are forgiven thee'." -The Miracle of Forgiveness

(Side note: I dont know if any of you have read The Miracle of Forgiveness, but I definitely recommend it.)

How glorious it is to know that we will be forgiven. How scary it is to know that it depends on if we have  a pure desire to do so...

President Harold B. Lee Taught:

"If the time comes when you have done all that you can to repent of your sins, whoever you are, wherever you are,.... then you will want that confirming answer as to whether or not the Lord has accepted of you. In your soul-searching, if you seek for and you find that peace of conscience, by that token you may know that the Lord has accepted your repentance. Satan would have you think otherwise and sometimes persuade you that now having made on mistake, you might go on and on with no turning back. That is one of the great falsehoods. The miracle of forgiveness is available to all of those who turn from their evil doings and return no more" (Harold B. Lee, in Conference Report, Apr. 1973)

"...available to all of those who turn from their evil doings and return no more." I found this to be the key. True repentance means we turn away COMPLETELY. Not partially, not for a week or so... but "return no more". This has proven to be the hardest part for me. 

The manual provides a story told by Elder Sterling W. Sill that shows us just how important it is to forgive ourselves.

"Sometime ago I talked with a woman 53 years of age who had committed a moral transgression at the age of 18. She understood that her sin was very serious, but because she had repented a thousand times we can depend on the Lord's promise that he had forgiven her. But she had never forgiven herself. Because she felt unclean and inferior, she withdrew from her friends, refused to marry, and became a kind of social and spiritual recluse. For 35 years she downgraded herself with bitter regrets and accusations. her life of looking back upon her sin has turned into something far below the wonderful person that God intended her to be. Her sin at age 18 was very serious. But for 35 years she has been adding to her sin by wasting the most valuable thing in the world, which is a splendid human life"

Why is it so hard to forgive ourselves? Why is it that we focus so much on the things we do wrong instead of the things we do right? Much like this woman, we hold on to things for years and years. We have a promise that if we repent we will be forgiven and our sins will be forgotten. Let us remember this promise and start living a righteous life today. 

This is what I whole heartedly believe. I know I am not perfect, I make mistakes just like everyone else does- and probably ten times worse- but I refuse to give up. My testimony has grown because of my experiences. I cannot regret, I simply learn, repent and move on. I pray we can all do the same. 

_______

Well, now that I am off my soap box, I don't think very many of you made it through this whole thing... I still have one more lesson to catch up on but that will have to wait for another day... Maybe tomorrow. 

(A final [random] side note: The Winnie the Pooh movie was very very cute... that is all. Goodnight)